In Korea and elsewhere, couples tend to rely on the kindness of their parents to pay for a wedding. But the burden is increasingly getting heavier for Korean parents, who are culturally and traditionally obligated to pay for an expensive wedding ceremony and, in many cases, chip in to buy a house for the newlyweds.
It is a baffling situation for most Korean parents, many of whom have retired or are retiring in a couple of years in a society where state-led social safety net is tenuous and getting a new job after retirement is extremely difficult, if not outright impossible.
For outsiders, a simple question arises. Why do Korean couples depend on their parents so much for their own wedding and often force them to cough up the money to buy an expensive apartment in Seoul?
First and foremost, today’s Koreans planning to get married do not have enough income. Youth unemployment has already crossed 10 percent and many young couples, who land jobs late or give up looking for a job, cannot pay for the marriage expenses on their own.
But the cost of a wedding remains high. Couples together usually spend over 100 million won ($90,000) for a mainstream wedding ceremony, according to a survey of 1,000 people done by the state-run Korea Consumer Agency in 2013. The amount does not include the housing cost for the newlywed.
This figure is beyond the reach of a young Korean whose average monthly salary is 3.1 million won, according to data compiled by the Ministry of Labor.
Expenditure on the wedding per person breaks down to engagement ceremony (2.5 million won), wedding gifts for in-laws and couples (7 million won), wedding ceremony (12 million won) and honeymoon (4 million won).
Apart from the wedding expenditure, the newlywed should also prepare a marital house. The average housing price ― either buying or renting under the jonse system ― of newly-weds in Seoul during the last two years stood at around 180 million won, according to a local wedding planner Duowed.
Financial burden on retired parents
Children’s reliance on their parents is the biggest financial concern for many parents, who are retired or close to it.
A recent survey of 400 people in their 50s done by Shinhan Bank showed that 64 percent of those questioned said their biggest financial concern of postretirement is their children’s marriage.
A survey of 300 people over 50s done by the local media outlet JoongAng Ilbo showed that 75.3 percent of the respondents said they either supported their children’s wedding or are willing to support it in the future. And 65.3 percent of the respondents said financial support for their children’s wedding is a parents’ duty.
Lim, a father of two sons who declined to be identified fully, married off both his sons in recent years. Having retired last year, he used most of his retirement funds for his children’s wedding and houses.
“Although I feel a sense of pride for marrying off my sons, I am still concerned about me and my wife’s future,” he said.
Lim said he is now seeking a daily job such as a janitor or security guard for his later years.
“Due to social sentiments it is not easy for parents to openly talk about retirement concerns with their children who are about to be married. Children should first understand the situation of their parents’ postretirement and have a candid conversation with them,” said Kim Dong-yeop, a director of Mirae Asset Retirement institute.
Parents’ involvement in wedding
As many young Koreans rely on their parents financially for their marriage, the excessive involvement of the parents in the wedding planning sometimes creates conflicts.
“It is difficult to find a house and have a decent wedding ceremony without financial support from their parents. So, parents’ approval and involvement in the wedding is important,” said Ham In-hee, a professor of Ewha Womans University.
Korea’s wedding procedure, although it varies from person to person, often follows a similar rule. First, the groom’s family prepares a marital house, whose average price is around 180 million won in Seoul. Then, the bride spends 10 percent of the housing price, to buy wedding gifts for in-laws. Traditionally, the groom’s family returns half of the amount to the bride, who then buys wedding gifts such as luxury bags for herself.
Some couples break off their engagement during this procedure because the expected amount of money often differs between the two families.
Park, 30, who only wanted to be identified by her first name, recently called off her wedding with her fianc, a lawyer, a week before their wedding.
Their conflicts started when the mother-in-law asked her family to buy a Mercedes-Benz car, which costs around 80 million won, for her son in return for the house they bought. Park’s family, who was glad to have a lawyer son-in-law, borrowed the money from the bank and bought the car for him.
However, it didn’t stop there. Two weeks before the wedding, Park’s mother-in-law scolded her for not buying luxury watches as wedding gifts for the in-laws, saying, “This is because you were not well educated in your family.”
“I could no longer continue the wedding planning,” Park said, with a sigh.
Kim, 32, who also declined to be identified fully, too broke off her engagement with her fianc. The rich parents of her fianc bought a house in Seoul worth 500 million won.
“In return, they asked us to buy wedding gifts worth 50 million won, equivalent of 10 percent of the housing price. We could not afford it and this led to an emotional battle between the parents,” Kim said.
“It is natural that many couples have a feud ahead of the wedding. However, once their parents excessively intervene, most of them cut the relationship,” Hwang Hyun-ok, the planner, said.
“Nowadays, many young couples want to break away from this tradition and opt for a simple wedding. However, when they fail to persuade their parents, who want to showoff to their friends and relatives, conflicts often occur,” said Hwang Hyun-ok, a chief planner of a local wedding consulting company Denam Wedding.
By Shin Ji-hye (
shinjh@heraldcorp.com)
