DUSHANBE, Tajikistan ― Kidnapping the woman you want to marry is a well-known, if illegal, tradition in parts of Central Asia. Until recently, such abductions occurred mainly among ethnic Kyrgyzs and Kazaks.
But now the idea seems to be catching on among Tajiks as well.
“Our neighbor was abducted on her wedding day by the guy who was in love with her,” said Qaisiddin, a resident of the Jirgatal district in Tajikistan. “No one knows where he took her.”
According to the resident of this district with a heavy Kyrgyz population, the Tajiks “think that if the Kyrgyz in neighboring villages kidnap their brides, then why can’t we? That’s how it is turning into a new custom.”
The idea of kidnapping the woman you intend to marry stems from a nomadic tradition in the region. It was a way for a prospective groom to present their new wife to the bride’s family as a fait accompli, thereby avoiding the payment of a “kalym,” or marriage price, which can sometimes be exorbitant.
In modern Kyrgyzstan, the tradition has become distorted so that young women are sometimes kidnapped off the street by complete strangers, held against their will, and coerced into marriage as the least shameful option left to the woman.
Qaisiddin insisted that such kidnappings in his district at least were always consensual. “For us, it isn’t kidnapping; it brings two loving hearts together,” he said.
Even local media has taken to reporting on it as a trend. “Tajik girls are being kidnapped in our district because we live alongside the Kyrgyz and we’ve adopted some of their traditions,” said Daler Safarov, a journalist with the local Safina TV station.
So far, Tajik authorities have declined to do anything to stop such abductions, apparently believing like many others here that such kidnappings are really consensual elopements. Meanwhile, the parents of kidnapped girls are reluctant to report such cases ― no matter how unhappy they may be about the marriage ― because of the shame such publicity would bring on the family.
One Jirgatal resident, who did not want his name to be used, described how his brother abducted a woman three days before she had been scheduled to wed another man in an arranged marriage.
This resident said his brother kidnapped his childhood sweetheart because the woman’s parents disapproved of her choice.
Mahmadullo Asadulloev, spokesman for the interior ministry in the capital Dushanbe, said his office had not been informed of any such abduction. “If such a case does occur and the girl’s family informs the police that she was abducted against her will, it will be treated as a serious offense,” he said.
But some worry that such kidnapping could spread from areas with sizable Kyrgyz populations to other parts of Tajikistan.
Temur Oksanov, who has a Kyrgyz background and now lives in Tajikistan, worries that if such kidnappings become common, it could lead to a rise in the number of suicides among women ― already a common response to abusive marriages.
But others aren’t worried that the practice will spread among Tajiks in other areas of the country.
“If you kidnap a girl here in Jirgatal, it isn’t as shameful an act as it would be in, for example, (neighboring) Garm or Tajikabad,” said Safarov, the journalist. “If someone abducted a bride in those districts, he’d be killed immediately.”
By Fayzia Ahmadova
Fayzia Ahmadova is a reporter in Tajikistan who writes for The Institute for War & Peace Reporting, a nonprofit organization that trains journalists in areas of conflict. ― Ed.
(MCT Information Services)
