Chuseok, or the Korean equivalent of Thanksgiving in the West, offers Koreans a few days' break in September, but it can turn out to be both physically and psychologically draining.
In traditional homes, wives face the daunting task of preparing a feast for the extended family, while the younger generation cringe as relatives assail them with questions about marriage, jobs and plans to have children.
There are various ways to deal with the stress, but above all, people should strive to be less emotional and more intelligent in dealing with potential family conflicts, said Director Kim Mi-young of Home Clinic, a counseling center for family problems -- though she admits this is more easily said than done.
One method young women can try when pressured by in-laws to cook inordinate amounts of food or spend days at their house is “persuasion,” Kim told The Korea Herald.
“It can be difficult to talk to them, but avoiding direct confrontation can lead to more misunderstanding,” she said. “You can try to reason with them in a friendly tone.”
Rather than acting out in defiance, Kim also suggested asking for permission: “We’re so sorry, but would it be OK if we only visited for one day this holiday? We’ll make it up to you.”
To avoid such stress, some simply choose to flee the country altogether. Korean-American Sarah Kim, 29, booked a flight to Thailand far in advance of the Chuseok holiday.
“I would rather be alone in a foreign country than spend family time,” she said.
Such occasions are anything but pleasant for her due to constant interrogation on her future plans, said Kim. An avid traveler, she uses every national holiday as a chance to go abroad.
Like Kim, more people are viewing the holidays as an opportunity to travel, according to Hana Tour. Some 26,500 travelers will be flying overseas during this year’s Chuseok holiday, up 29 percent from the same period last year, the travel agency said. Some 40 percent of them are headed to Southeast Asia, while another 28 percent are going to China and 21 percent to Japan.
Others even escape, ironically, to the office.
When 32-year-old Yeon, who works for an airline, was assigned to work during Chuseok, she was more relieved than aggravated.
“I’m not really close to my cousins,” she said.
She feels it is difficult to approach them since they all seem far more “successful” than her -- they are all married and receiving higher salaries. “Nobody makes outright comparisons, but I feel awful every time I see them,” said Yeon.
She prefers having to work, as she will not only have a ready-made excuse to avoid relatives, but will also receive additional pay for being on duty during the holiday.
One reason for the deepening generational divide between family members is the “rapidly changing mentality” among Koreans, according to Home Clinic’s Kim.
“It is only in the past 20 years that Koreans have begun to be educated about gender equality and individuality,” said Kim. Among the older generation, the Confucian ideals of family and putting elders and males first remain dominant.
“For the older generation, it’s hard to change their entire way of living in an instant,” said Kim, adding that for the younger generation, it is frustrating to adhere to what they consider outdated norms.
Different concerns plague those of different age groups during the holiday, according to a recent survey by online travel agency Expedia.
For those in their 20s, relatives’ questions on jobs, marriage and life plans are most grueling, the survey found. Those in their 30s get stressed over preparing food for the family, while those in their 40s complain about traffic.
Graduate school student Kim Hye-ri, 29, is worried because “her turn” to tie the knot has come around.
“All of my cousins who are older than me have gotten married already so I’m next in line,” she said.
Her boyfriend, who is four years younger than her, has hesitations about commitment just yet, being a university student and still financially dependent on his parents.
For those already with a spouse, the holiday can be rife with feuds over family matters.
“My husband knows I’m not on good terms with my sister-in-law,” said Park Se-jung, 44. “But he insists that I interact with her when we visit his parents.”
The tension between married couples can snowball during the holiday.
Last year, 3,539 cases of divorce were filed in March, immediately after the Lunar New Year holiday, up 39.3 percent from the 2,540 cases filed in February, according to reports.
Some even complain of mothers-in-law bombarding them with orders via mobile messaging, in light of the increasing number of tech savvy elderly, say reports.
Smartphone usage among those in their 50s rose from 31.4 percent in 2012 to 81.9 last year, according to the Korea Information Society Development Institute.
Others such as rookie lawyer Choi Ja-hoon, 30, are faced with pressure to spend the holiday productively.
“(My co-workers) say I’m young and expect me to go abroad and do adventurous things,” Choi said. “They tell me to have fun while I can before I get married. But I don’t have any plans. I’m exhausted from studying and from work. All I want to do is curl up in bed and sleep for days.”
By Rumy Doo (
doo@heraldcorp.com)
