[Weekender] Daddy's home!

In author Kim Jung-hyun’s 1997 best-selling novel “Father,” which sold more than 2 million copies, its protagonist is a father who is never home.

A public servant in his 50s, the father, named Jeong-su, has spent most of his time at work ― unable to attend any of the milestone events of his children. He missed their school entrance ceremonies, convocations and countless birthday dinners.

As his grown-up children ended up despising him for his lack of presence in the house, Jeong-su abruptly gets diagnosed with terminal cancer from work-related stress. 

The story of Jeong-su is rather a universal one among South Korea’s baby boomers (born between 1955 and 1963) and their children, many of whom are young parents now.

Over the past 50 years or so, Korean fathers were valued for their role as financial providers rather than as active caregivers. The country underwent a rapid economic development throughout their adolescent years, while most female baby boomers were expected to stay home and nurture the kids.

As a result, most Korean millennials hardly spent time with their dads while growing up.

On top of going to work early in the morning and returning home late at night, being a breadwinner for many meant having to be separated from their own families.

In the 1970s, Koreans on average worked 53 hours a week, and in 1986, 56 hours weekly ― the most in the world, according to the International Labor Organization that year.

In more recent years, more fathers have been vacant from children’s lives in a different kind of way.

As of 2013, there were about 300,000 Korean “goose fathers,” who sent their families abroad for their children’s education, while remaining in Korea alone to work.

“I think it’s easy to blame Korean fathers for their lack of presence in the family life. But when you think about it, they didn’t really have a choice,” said Ahn Sang-soo, a researcher from the Korean Women’s Development Institute.

“For many years, and even now, choosing not to work is not an easy option for Korean fathers. There is a social stigma against men who are unable to provide for their family. Baby boomers had to choose between work life and family life. They couldn’t have both.

“It took away men’s chance to be a parent, which is one of the very basic human experiences, and women’s opportunities in the professional world.”

Now, the children of the baby boomers are faced with new challenges. With the increased number of double-income families, the nation’s young working fathers, who hardly interacted with their own fathers as kids, are being asked to spend more time at home.

The Gender Equality Ministry has been encouraging working fathers to take paternity leave to participate in child care, as a way to fight the country’s critically low fertility rate, which stood at 1.18 child per woman last year ― the lowest among the OECD. Municipal governments are also now offering classes on parenting targeting young fathers.

The trend is best reflected at television’s popular reality shows, such as “Superman is Back” and “Dad! Where Are We Going?” featuring how clumsy and distant celebrity dads learn to connect with their young children ― without the help of their wives.

Lately, the number of fathers who chose to take paternity leave increased almost tenfold from 355 in 2008 to 3,421 in 2014. Poor work-life balance for working mothers, limited support from extended family members including the child’s grandparents, and an increased number of fathers wanting to be involved in child care are considered some of the biggest reasons behind the statistics.

Still, the number in 2014 only accounted for 4.4 percent of all working fathers in the country. According to the latest government data, married Korean men on average only spend 46 minutes on child care and domestic affairs as of 2009.

Meanwhile, more than 95 percent of working mothers took maternity leave last year. Married Korean women on average spend 247 minutes ― 4 hours and 11 minutes ― on domestic labor and parenting daily.

An Hui-jean, a professional counselor and psychologist, said Korean fathers have not been supported as parents by the nation’s social institutions, instead tied down by long work hours and severe work-related competition.

This continues even today. An average Korean person worked 2,163 hours ― 41.6 hours a week ― last year, 1.3 times more than the OECD average.

The millennials, as a result, are reluctant to take paternal roles as they are simply not used to its concept, An said.

“Today’s young Korean fathers, almost all of them, have no role models to look up to,” she said.

“Many didn’t get to form relationships with their fathers as children, and grew up thinking fathers aren’t supposed to take care of children or do domestic errands. Many young parents often tell me they are frustrated and upset because they don’t know how to simply ‘play’ with their young children.”

Jun Jong-il, a 28-year-old father, hardly saw his father while growing up. His father worked as a cab driver, and worked 16 hours a day, from 9 a.m. to 2 a.m. the next day.

On his days off, though, Jun’s father would take him out for a hike or public bath houses. Sometimes they would solve math problems together.

Now a father himself, Jun works nine hours a day at a retail firm to support his wife and 16-month-old daughter.

Upon his wife’s request, Jun has agreed to devote at least three hours daily to play with his daughter and help with domestic work.

“I realize what it would’ve been like for my father to make time for me while working 16 hours daily,” he said.

“A few years ago, he was very drunk and told me, ‘I couldn’t give you a lot of things, but what I’ve given you was my everything.’ And I know in my heart that it’s true.”

By Claire Lee (dyc@heraldcorp.com)